A blog about Ethiopian adoption, transracial parenting and general mommying.
Showing posts with label Ethiopian adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ethiopian adoption. Show all posts
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Ethiopian adoptees and the crisis of culture
Thank you Addis Kidan Church of San Francisco!
We were blessed this week by an unexpected invitation. Addis Kidan, an Ethiopian Church in San Francisco, threw open its doors and invited local families who have adopted Ethiopian children to come for Orthodox Christmas (celebrated in January).
The truth is, we have been starved for Ethiopian culture and the chance to spend holidays with Ethiopian families (any holidays actually - we are not even Christian :). It's funny now when I think about the innocence of my early dreams. I had been fascinated by Ethiopia since my time studying in Israel decades earlier. I thought, when we made the decision to adopt, that we were inviting part of the people and country we had grown to love into our lives. Somehow it would be a natural part of our family. The reality, of course, was much more complicated. After Kulani came home, I tried to find Ethiopian families and rekindle friendships with their children. But it didn't work out that way. The whole situation was awkward for a lot of reasons. People did not know what to do with us.
Maybe I was having a Dolezalial crisis of identity or maybe I need to explore what part of my consciousness is affected by my own ethnocentrism. It is ridiculous to think we would adopt a child from another country and then have some kind of international presence in our family, especially in light of what I now understand about inter-country adoption. I would not change a single thing and would do it all over again a hundred times. But it was hubris to think that because Kulani became our daughter, our family would suddenly be part Ethiopian.
But as far as the crisis goes, I did not see this coming. I actually go back (with and without Kulani) as often as possible. She even had two passports until they figured it out at Bole Airport and confiscated her Ethiopian passport on our last trip. But the truth is, as much as I wished Kulani to have a dual identity, she is no longer Ethiopian. She does not look Ethiopian - her clothes, her mannerisms, her language, her gait and of course the fact that she is hanging out with me - all give her away as an outsider. She is American now and it is obvious.
Looking back, I remember with new awareness an experience we had at our first Court hearing in Addis. The judge asked me whether the culture of our daughter's birth was important to me and whether I had plans to help her experience and embrace her identity. In my excitement and pride of research, I told her there was a large Ethiopian community not far from where we live. I told her about my plans to make connections with Ethiopian families and my hopes to make friends. She looked up sharply from her papers and said "No, I mean with other adopted children."
The truth is, by the time she was old enough to have meaningful friendships, Kuleni's Ethiopian friends - all of them - were other children adopted internationally. We adoptive families only had each other. We never really talked about it like that, but that's all we had. We got together once a month or so to prepare Ethiopian dishes we learned to make on the internet. We signed our children up for "Habesha" dance classes, tried to remember the few Amharic words we could pronounce, traded secrets about hair care and raised money for things. It was hardly the embrace of globalism of my dreams.
So when Addis Kidan reached out to us, I was thrilled. It wasn't just me, either. It was everyone apparently because there are only 50 or 60 people in the church but they had to close the Evite after 100 people RSVP'd. I think every family in the Bay Area with adopted Ethiopian children came to the party.
The part I love most about this is how much luck and circumstance when into the whole gathering. It was so random. One of our members started dropping her daughter at the church for a teen group that meets there. The Pastor looked outside, noticed a white woman in the car and became curious. He was told that "oh yeah. Didn't you know? So and so is adopted..." He asked whether any of her friends would like to come to the church to meet the Ethiopian families and ... well... Yes! All of us! :)
Related: International/Intercountry Adoption
We were blessed this week by an unexpected invitation. Addis Kidan, an Ethiopian Church in San Francisco, threw open its doors and invited local families who have adopted Ethiopian children to come for Orthodox Christmas (celebrated in January). |
| Kulani: Fingers, yes. Tongue, no (I think she likes the food) |
Maybe I was having a Dolezalial crisis of identity or maybe I need to explore what part of my consciousness is affected by my own ethnocentrism. It is ridiculous to think we would adopt a child from another country and then have some kind of international presence in our family, especially in light of what I now understand about inter-country adoption. I would not change a single thing and would do it all over again a hundred times. But it was hubris to think that because Kulani became our daughter, our family would suddenly be part Ethiopian.
But as far as the crisis goes, I did not see this coming. I actually go back (with and without Kulani) as often as possible. She even had two passports until they figured it out at Bole Airport and confiscated her Ethiopian passport on our last trip. But the truth is, as much as I wished Kulani to have a dual identity, she is no longer Ethiopian. She does not look Ethiopian - her clothes, her mannerisms, her language, her gait and of course the fact that she is hanging out with me - all give her away as an outsider. She is American now and it is obvious.
Looking back, I remember with new awareness an experience we had at our first Court hearing in Addis. The judge asked me whether the culture of our daughter's birth was important to me and whether I had plans to help her experience and embrace her identity. In my excitement and pride of research, I told her there was a large Ethiopian community not far from where we live. I told her about my plans to make connections with Ethiopian families and my hopes to make friends. She looked up sharply from her papers and said "No, I mean with other adopted children."
The truth is, by the time she was old enough to have meaningful friendships, Kuleni's Ethiopian friends - all of them - were other children adopted internationally. We adoptive families only had each other. We never really talked about it like that, but that's all we had. We got together once a month or so to prepare Ethiopian dishes we learned to make on the internet. We signed our children up for "Habesha" dance classes, tried to remember the few Amharic words we could pronounce, traded secrets about hair care and raised money for things. It was hardly the embrace of globalism of my dreams.
So when Addis Kidan reached out to us, I was thrilled. It wasn't just me, either. It was everyone apparently because there are only 50 or 60 people in the church but they had to close the Evite after 100 people RSVP'd. I think every family in the Bay Area with adopted Ethiopian children came to the party.
The part I love most about this is how much luck and circumstance when into the whole gathering. It was so random. One of our members started dropping her daughter at the church for a teen group that meets there. The Pastor looked outside, noticed a white woman in the car and became curious. He was told that "oh yeah. Didn't you know? So and so is adopted..." He asked whether any of her friends would like to come to the church to meet the Ethiopian families and ... well... Yes! All of us! :)
Related: International/Intercountry Adoption
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Fraud and corruption in international adoption: what about the children?
My Google Alerts have been going crazy this week on “International Adoption” because the Thomson Reuters Foundation published a new investigation/expose focusing on Uganda. The investigation alleges Ugandan families were bribed, tricked or coerced into allowing their children to be adopted overseas. Intercountry adoptions are described by Reuters as “a booming industry in which child traffickers are profiteering”.
Exclusive: Fraud and deceit at the heart of Uganda adoptions to United States
I have a problem with Reuters’ “investigation” because the media frenzy on anecdotal problems of intercountry adoption detracts
from real issues and concerns that need to be addressed which are
poverty, family planning and social welfare.
Exclusive: Fraud and deceit at the heart of Uganda adoptions to United States
I have a problem with Reuters’ “investigation” because the media frenzy on anecdotal problems of intercountry adoption detracts
from real issues and concerns that need to be addressed which are
poverty, family planning and social welfare. Saturday, May 23, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Are dropping rates of international adoption a sign of progress?
The number of international adoptions in the US has plummeted over the last decade. (This chart is outdated--in March, the Department of State released the 2014 figure, which is 6,441).
 |
| International Adoptions to the US |
- China
- 14,500 in 2005
- 2,040 in 2014
- Russia
- 9,400 in 2004
- 2 in 2014
- Ethiopia
- 2,511 in 2010
- 712 in 2014
I have mixed feelings about the rapid decline of international adoption. Personally I am grateful--forever grateful--for inter-country adoption because that is how Kulani came into our lives. But there are also ethical issues around international adoption, most of which I was entirely unaware when we began our adoption journey.
I came across this article which puts a positive spin on a global situation that we, the international adoptive community, have grappled with for years.
WORLD | Will drop in international adoptions lead to more in-country placements? | Sarah Padbury | April 16, 2015
World Magazine suggests that declining rates of international adoption reflect, at least in part, sustainable child-and-family-first social change.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Orphanages I Hang Out In
After we lost Fenet, I was not ready to accept an immediate referral for another child. Our agency recommended I spend time in some of the orphanages and just hang out with the children. So I did. I was in Ethiopia for about three months in 2012. I loved it of course. Since then, I spend as much time as I can in as many orphanages as will have me. 
You can’t just show up at an orphanage and play with the kids. Ethiopians (like all people) love and protect their children. But if you establish a relationship with someone you might eventually develop trust. And if your purpose for visiting the orphanage is to make the children's lives a little bit happier for that day (while being respectful of the adults), you should try. You should bring help and donations (be careful because many donations do not reach the children--more on this later). 
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