Yes Isaac, you can go in the princess jumpie house

Yes, of course you can go in, Isaac.  Boys are allowed in the the princess jumpee.  But then when you come out, you will be a girl... 

          ;)

Related:  Moms Who Don't Fit the Profile
 

The green dot of shame: working mommy chronicles

I am traumatized by the green dot. At my kids' school, if a child is late, he can't go straight to class. He has to go to the office and put a little green dot sticker on the front of his shirt. The dot stays there all day. My kids understand and they are totally accustomed to the dot. Of course. They just march into the office when we get there at 9:15, affix the green dot and proceed to class.

The problem is that when it's me who has to take the kids to school, they are late more than half the time (and by more than half the time, I mean that it's extremely unlikely they will be on time). Mornings around here are insane. I dress the kids, feed and water them, make sure they are clothed, check spelling homework, make lunch, adjust Kulani's braids, find shoes--not just one, mind you, I have to find two shoes for each kid. I also have to get dressed myself, shower, put on make up, and wipe tiny hand prints off the hem of my skirt. Oh, and btw, I am doing all this while my 2-year-old is tearing the house apart. In short, I rely on 20 things going perfectly right in the morning to get the kids to school on time. If any one of these things does not go as planned, we are ... late.

I see the green dot on my kids’ shirts when I pick them up from school. I see the green dot when I drop off the lunchboxes I forget to pack. And I see the dot in half the pictures of the yearbook the teacher sends home. It's a bright green dot. You can't miss it.

So a couple of months ago I figured out the dot was supposed to help the children understand the importance of not being tardy. Now I think of it as 'the green dot of shame'. I hate the green dot. It has gotten to the point where I will do anything to avoid the green dot. I rush around like a crazy woman in the morning thinking about nothing but how I am going to avoid the dot. A couple of weeks ago Julian said "You forgot to feed us breakfast!" I threw a box of Cheese-Itz at him and told him to get his shoes on (actually that was not my finest hour). But I can't bear to see my kids in those dots. I know they have been wearing them all day and I know everybody saw them. But most of all, I know the green dots are not my kids' fault. They are mine.

So yesterday was the last day of school and I am slowly recovering from the trauma and emotional distress of the green dot. Next year is going to be worse. I will have three kids in three different schools in three different cities. I do not know how I am going to pull this off but I have all summer to come up with a plan.

Related:  Moms Who Don't Fit the Profile

Vocabulary has improved significantly

On the way home, Julian asked me if I was going to put Kulani down for her nap, I said yes. She must have overheard (and understood) because this is what I heard from the back seat. "No bed. Yucky. Poopy diaper. Stink. Time out. Spank. Die."

Of course, I am pleased with Kulani's broadening lexicon.  But "Die" was a little harsh.  She could have stopped with "Spank".

Related:  Moms Who Don't Fit the Profile

Why Do People Carry Diaper Bags?

At the playground, one of the mommies was frantically riffling through her diaper bag looking for a diaper.  She was obviously distraught. "I only have Size Two diapers in here!  I need a Size Three diaper!" Apparently she hadn't changed the diapers in her bag to fit the new size of her growing baby. 

It's hard not to see this situation as a little ridiculous. Kulani is my third kid, sure, but I never carried a gigantic diaper bag, even with the first two. It seemed too complicated--the built in bulky changing pad, insulated bottle holders, two changes of clothes, and who knows what else is in there. I don't judge other mommies because I know what it is like. We are all just trying to get by. And to be honest, we are all a little crazy. If another mommie is organized enough to manage a diaper bag on top of everything else, G-d bless her. Most days, I am lucky just to get out of the house. I don't have a diaper bag. I carry a purse. Sometimes there is a diaper in there. Sometimes there isn't. Yesterday, I had a sock and a sanitary napkin.

Related:  Moms Who Don't Fit the Profile

Multitasking Diapers

You know you really love your kid when you can change a diaper with your left hand while eating a sandwich with your right.

Related:  Moms Who Don't Fit the Profile

In Flight Entertainment

"In the event your airplane lands in a pool, your seat cushion is also a floatation device..."
Flight from Dallas to Columbus

Related:  Moms Who Don't Fit the Profile